POST 25 (FINAL) (11/27/25) POST TRIP REFLECTIONS
Wow! What a trip. I finally made it back to Spain for the fifth time, but the first in 18 years, and I finally made it to Gran Canaria, a legendary place that has been on my travel list for at least a decade. I survived the long journeys, multiple flights, and getting used to traveling again after eight years without having been on an airplane. I have so many memories, plus the visual aids of photos, videos, and this blog to stimulate further reflection and avoid forgetting everything. And then there's Ramón, and the multiple messages we send each other daily.
Indeed this trip was a chance to grieve and further process Bill's passing, dive back into world travel, destress from all I've been through for the past eight years (on multiple fronts), meet some new people, explore the "dating" scene (or I guess more like hook-up culture), and even make a couple of potentially lasting friendships. I also got to know myself, at least who I am now, while out interacting with the world. It turns out I am not the guy who was traveling eight years ago. The time I spent with Bill and the relationship we had helped me to evolve in certain ways that became evident on this trip. I am more settled, more mature, and my needs and demands have lessened. I was happy and completely satisfied being with just one man for the past eight years, and that was a first for me (in all of my six live-in partners). And now I am left with no desire to sew the proverbial wild oats and pollinate a bunch of proverbial flowers as the social butterfly I once was. The hyper-party spirit of the island did not appeal to me as I thought it would, though it likely would have in a previous stage of my life. I found myself just wanting someone to have dinner with, especially given I ate alone 16 nights in a row! I wasn't as into the sex as I would have been years ago. I wanted it to mean something more than just the physical act for its own sake alone. Everyone with whom I fooled around I proposed going for a meal, and/or doing other things outside of the bedroom, but they all declined. So in the end, the island was just a bit too much for me. I am glad I went. Now I've experienced it. But I don't really see going there again.
Madrid, however, is another story. I love that city so much! It's historic but modern, bustling but friendly, vast but approachable, and I adore the language, food, and culture. Of course there is Ramón, but that is its own story I guess. He is clearly a wonderful man, and we have a very strong connection. He is intelligent, kind, generous, loving, and lives with passion. He is also lonely, having had partners most of his life, losing the last one four years ago, and then being abandoned in the night by the last boyfriend. He is a good reason for me to return to Madrid, although it isn't the most practical thing with my responsibilities at home and the excessive distance to travel in order to be with him. He is also 84, and I am strongly committed to not getting too deeply involved with someone that old. So I will exercise something I learned the first evening I was in Gran Canaria. I realized that I didn't need to force anything, and that all I needed would present itself to me and be obvious when it came along. I held out that night without rushing or worrying about what wasn't yet happening, and then the next morning met not one but three guys on the beach on my first day out. There are certainly other guys out there as good, and even better, than Ramón. And I will find one when it is meant to happen.
After a brief roadtrip up to Oregon in mid December to visit my dear friends Wade and family as well as Greta and Rick, I have a neat trip planned at the end of December. I will drive to Bakersfield and take Jack's niece to dinner. Then the next morning I will drive the rest of the way to Vegas, where I will hang out with my high school roommate Alesia for New Year's Eve and the Duran Duran concert the next night. From there I will drive to Palm Springs for my birthday and a couple weeks. On my way to the final destination I will visit my childhood babysitter Gretchen (for the first time in over 45 years!) in Menafee, and see her new home. Lastly I will end up in L.A., culminating in the NAMM music convention in Anaheim, before driving back up to SF by the end of January. Palm Springs is obviously the focal point of that trip, and the reason is that I have witnessed an exodus of gay guys leaving the Bay Area for the desert over the last 30 years. I know a lot of people down there, and it also attracts hoards of older gay men from all over the country. So it's a fertile ground for potential partner material. Just putting myself out there. Before Spain I had the feeling this next trip was going to be playtime and a promiscuity fest for me. Now I believe it will be more social and an opportunity to meet "the one" if he should present himself. After I left Bob Kenney, I met Andy 19 days later, and he turned out to be the greatest man I have ever known. After he died, I met Jack 40 days later, and enjoyed ten years living with that incredibly special guy. So now Billy has been gone for 2 1/2 months, and by the time I hit the desert it will have been nearly four months. I'm not trying to rush anything, of course, just using the time I have during winter, before gardening season picks up again, to do some traveling. If I am to go by myself, where else but the meccas for older gay men? In February I have a flight booked to Ft. Lauderdale, the other primary U.S. destination for the type I seek. So I am putting myself out there, but not rushing anything, forcing anything, or jumping into anything without my eyes wide open. I am committed to acknowledging and heeding red flags, and holding out for the one with whom I have extremely strong chemistry both ways, and who shows me that I am important enough to place their focus on me, and potentially live the life that serves us both well for a potentially long time to come.
Well, I do thank you so much for reading about my adventures and following along with my journey as it happened in close to real time. It's been a pleasure sharing it with you, for those who requested and those who didn't but felt compelled and/or simply enjoyed tracking my movements, activities, and show-and-tell reporting. Only close friends, family, and a few close neighbors were given the link to this blog, and it is not public. I will post some photos from the trip on Instagram, my main social media platform, and that's about it. So my point is that if you are reading this, you are special to me. Feel free to reach out and let me know that you read it and what thoughts and reactions you have. I can see the number of people who read each post, but no other information about who you are. So whoever you are, I send you a big hug and my appreciation for sticking with me. Indeed I have a fairly unconventional life, and perhaps I always have. Hopefully there is something exciting that you can enjoy vicariously, and hopefully you know that I have a heart full of love, and I do wish to share it with those who have touched my life, as you have. ♥️
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